" Ryan shrugged. "Not like it hasn't happened before." "Then why are you strangling your bag?" Ryan looked down and saw that she'd been twisting the s...rap of her bag in her hands to the point that her knuckles were white and her palms red. She cleared her throat. "It was just a rough day." "Ryan, Ryan, Ryan." He shook his head. "I'm not as clueless as I used to be. There may not be any angry music playing, but I can tell you're upset." "I'm fine, I'm—" "Give it up, sweetheart." She slumped. Inexplicably, he got angrier."Why are you hard?" he asked in a tight voice. Startled while trying to deal with the confusion of sensation flooding my body, I could not reply."What are you doing, Manny?" my mother asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. Her voice was controlled; I recognized the tone, their argument not over, which is why she followed him into the bathroom.She looked around him and took in my confusion. Her face tightened with anger. She glanced down to my crotch. Her eyes held. Once we were both naked, my son took me into my own bed, then he took me. I hate to say I felt, as the song says ... like a virgin. (Oh that sounds so fucking cheesy! Especially since the song was a big thing around the time I was Robert's age!)But I can honestly say that I've never, ever been with anyone and felt the things I did with him. It was lovemaking, it was a pounding fuck, it was sweet and naughty as hell and so much more. As I look back on it, I think the experience was heightened. I had felt that formy ex-wife intensely but when I would ask you questions about it youalways answered in a way that made me think, 'no, no he doesn'tunderstand.'"I looked at my feet. I realized now that I had been lying to myself foryears about my own feelings. "You may be right. I think that I didn'treally know what love was. I thought it was something like friendship,plus commitment... but it's not." No, I can be friends with anyone. Love makes you think about someoneconstantly and want to.
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